Rave Pride: My Experiences As a Gay Raver

In honor of Pride Month, we asked gay ravers to explain what the scene means to them. Here, 28-year-old Tony Renello shares his story.

I always knew that I was different but was too scared to tell everyone, because I did not want to deal with the consequences of facing my own truth. I was living a huge lie, causing me to be miserable in my own skin. Secretly, I liked the same sex but could not find the courage or strength to let people know because of the hatred and judgment I saw in the world surrounding this topic.

Rather than face my reality, I let the world believe I liked women, while constantly being in fear of someone finding out the truth. I was always “on guard,” hiding and censoring everything I did and every word that came out of my mouth. Needless to say, this was a miserable time in my life. For a long time, I believed that if I never addressed being gay that it may just go away. Of course, this is not how the human mind works; we are all supposed to live our truth and be who we are.

I discovered rave culture two years ago, after a friend first played me dance music. I’ll admit I wasn’t too fond of it at first, because I thought it didn’t have any “meaning.” However, when I started listening to the music for what it was, I realized that it invigorated my soul and evoked emotions in me that no other genre ever has before.

Secretly, I liked the same sex but could not find the courage or strength to let people know because of the hatred and judgment I saw in the world surrounding this topic.

After attending shows and entering into the lifestyle two years ago, I can confidently say that everyone (for the most part) treats each other with respect and integrity. I really hate how the world views rave culture as full of drugs and people that do not want to move forward in life. I have gotten nothing but love, a sense of freedom, unity and overall support from everyone.

I have met many other gay men and women in the scene and have talked with people that have come out due to the support they received from the scene. The people inside this community care for one another and only want to help each other walk the path of life, which the world can make brutal at some points. The PLUR motto makes raves a place where anybody can go and not worry about showing their true colors for fear of judgment.

I finally decided about a year and half ago to tell the world who I really am. When I told my best friend I was gay, this overwhelming sense of ease, comfort and freedom came over me. I was finally showing people the real Tony that I held inside for so long. It felt as if someone had removed a 500-pound weight from my chest. After my friends came my family, which was the most dreadful part. Everyone in my family was supportive, however, telling me that no matter what, they will love me for who I am.

I met my boyfriend Gerard last year. We have a lot of the same interests, one of them being electronic dance music. Being a gay man inside the rave community, I had no fears about showing my love for Gerard in front of anyone, because I did not feel judged. I act exactly how I want to and show him the love he deserves to be shown. I am not worried about people’s reactions at raves like I am at times in the real world, because I know that our safety is sound when we are around our rave family.

To be Under the Electric Sky with the love of my life, letting the music flow through our hearts, is an experience that I have been waiting for my entire life; this is what freedom means to me.

Last November, Gerard and I went to see one of my favorite DJs, Adventure Club. While we were dancing together, something happened. A feeling came over me, my mind went blank, and all I could see was the future Gerard and I had together. The music became the soundtrack to that moment, and it was then that I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Ever since then, it has gotten better with every passing day. The support and love that we have received from everyone in the rave community is phenomenal and allows us to be us at every event we go to.

EDC Las Vegas 2015 will be the first EDC Gerard and I have ever attended. Being able to experience this together is going to be life-changing. There are going to be so many amazing moments throughout the three days that we get to be part of, and the excitement that I have is immeasurable. To be Under the Electric Sky with the love of my life, letting the music flow through our hearts, is an experience that I have been waiting for my entire life; this is what freedom means to me.

Follow Tony’s rave adventures on his Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.