Ask Tommy Trash: The DJ Answers Your Questions on Romance and Raving

The rave scene is known for its heavy love vibes, but emotions can often get confused when the house lights come up. To help clear things up, as asked DJ/producer Tommy Trash answers your burning questions on raving, dating, and finding love in the club—or not.

Dear Tommy Trash,
My boyfriend and I are both super into dance music and love going to shows together. But sometimes when we’re at the club, I catch him checking out rave bootie. I hate it. He never actually talks to any of these chicks, but it’s still totally annoying. Should I say something to him about how I feel, or should I just let it slide?
Yours truly,
Overlooked

Hey Overlooked,
Feels like payback time to me… Next rave you go to, meet him there and turn up wearing as little as you are comfortable with. Entice the male population, and make sure he witnesses it. If he has the double standards to complain, call him out on his bullshit.
Best,
—TT

Dear Tommy Trash,
What’s the best way for a guy to approach a hot girl at a show without seeming creepy or overly eager? I’ve tried offering ladies gloving shows and trading kandi, but that never seems to get them interested.
Help!
Looking for Love in da Club

Hey man,
Rule #1: Ditch the gloves and kandi. Those are better for making friends and sharing the happy vibes—not getting with girls. Rule #2: Shit pickup lines rarely work. The best thing you can do is to be genuine and authentic. The right girls will value that. Good luck,
—TT

Dear Tommy Trash,
I met this amazing girl at a rave. She was gorgeous and funny and a really good dancer. We ended up making out during a Dash Berlin set, and I’m pretty sure I fell in love with her. At the end of the night she gave me her number, and we hung out the following week, but the magical feeling I first felt wasn’t there. In fact, she was actually kind of boring. Should I try again or just let my festival romance be an amazing memory?
All my best,
Formerly Infatuated

Hey FI,
Moments like that are hard to recapture. If the long-term magic was there, then it would have continued after that night; you can’t force that stuff. Enjoy the memory, and put it in the spank bank before you’ve undermined it by trying to make it work. Enjoy your solo time,
—TT

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Dear Tommy Trash,
I’m really only into psy-trance, but there’s this girl I want to ask out who’s super into big room house. Is that a red flag? How should I proceed?
Respectfully,
Concerned

Hey Concerned,
Got to be honest here: You feel like the red flag to me. Who listens to psy-trance??? I’m joking, I’m joking. In all seriousness: If you guys are meant to be, you’ll put up with each other’s musical tastes. Although a great thing to share, that shouldn’t be the basis of a relationship. Maybe encourage each other to be a little more musically open-minded and to explore new music together.
Good luck,
—TT

Dear Tommy Trash,
My boyfriend can never stick to a festival schedule. We’re always late getting to sets and miss out on lots of acts. Because of this, I’ve missed seeing my favorite DJs multiple times. What should I do?
With love,
Annoyed AF

Hey Annoyed,
This is a very common issue. My suggestion would be: Go solo to see the acts you want to, enjoy the show, and don’t miss a second. Hang out with a bunch of dudes (safely, of course) at that stage, and be sure to take lots of selfies with said dudes, posting the shots on Instagram. See how quickly he makes his way to be at your side. It should teach him a lesson.
Enjoy the music you love!
—TT

Dear Tommy Trash,
Is it OK to grind up on a chick without asking permission first? Some girls love it; others hate it. What are your thoughts?
Warmly,
Up Close and Personal

Dude,
Where I come from, that’s called sexual harassment; so I’m not going to condone it for a second. Rule #1 of going out: Never step out of the house with a “loaded gun,” to ensure that you are thinking with the right head. Unless a girl is specifically inviting you to get up close and personal, it is best to err on the side of caution—no matter how much you might want to do otherwise.
—TT

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