How to Determine Your Favorite DJ’s Country of Origin

It used to be that DJs were faceless selectors known more for their mixing skills than their handsome mugs; but things aren’t like that anymore. These days, DJs are well-groomed superstars with signature looks and merchandisable personalities.

But are they really all that different?

We’ve got a theory that you can pinpoint a DJ’s nationality based solely on his/her appearance and personal style. Crazy, you say? Give it a try at the next festival.

Here’s a handy list of the most obvious homelands and their trademark steez.

French Connection (France):

Is the DJ rockin’ some kind of trendy layer he has no business wearing in the packed club? A black suit? A denim vest? A Members Only jacket? Is the crowd going wild while he mixes listlessly behind the smoke of a never-ending chain of cigarettes? Chances are, if your DJ never smiles but smokes enough to give his unborn children lung cancer, that dude is French as FCUK.

Young American (USA):

This chic musical maestro looks like some kind of goth ratchet. He’s flashin’ a gold chain and shiny grill but came dressed like an extra from a Korn music video. He walks with a pimp limp but carries no gun—just a deck of Magic the Gathering cards in his back pocket and a well-worn “Straight Outta Compton” hat he bought at American Apparel. No question about it: That secret nerd is an American DJ.

Dutch Hunk (Holland):

We swear the DJ has thrown his hands up in the air more times than he’s let the bass drop (we’re looking at you, Davvincii!). His coiffed hair is so finely gelled that Justin Bieber is jealous. It’s already hard to see in this dark-ass club, but still he’s wearing sunglasses. Yup, that dude is Dutch.

Handsome Bloke (UK):

This DJ looks as though he or she just walked off the set of some ’80s music video. They’re wearing a jacket puffed-up more than Snoop Dogg, and their hair is blown like A Flock of Seagulls. And why only one earing? They’ve got to be British.

Crocodile Dundee (Australia):

If you saw this DJ on the street, you’d assume he’s some stoned college kid on his way to buy the new Animal Collective on vinyl. It looks like he hasn’t brushed his hair in a week and lives mostly on a diet of pizza and Mountain Dew. He seems one day away from asking you for spare change, but his wallet is on steroids. We’re calling it: He must be from the Land Down Under.