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In honor of Pride Month, we asked gay ravers to explain what the scene means to them. Here, 18-year-old Gerard Fix shares his story.

Through raving, I was able to explore myself in ways I couldn’t imagine. It was also at a rave where I fell head over fluffies for Tony.

I grew up in a very small farming town in Oklahoma, went to church every Sunday, and had a small handful of friends that were the only kids in the town my age. Ever since I was little, I knew I was different from them, but it wasn’t until I was older that I realized just how different I was.

In middle school, I finally came to terms with who I really was. Coming out to my closet friends was terrifying, because I thought I would always stay in my town; by coming out, I knew I was risking losing my small group of friends and having to potentially leave.

In seventh grade, I decided to let my class in on my secret, only to realize that my worst fear was now my reality. Every day became a living hell, from being ridiculed and harassed to being everyone’s anger outlet at school. My teachers and trusted “adults” always seemed to see me as the antagonizer. I was forced to leave my regular classroom and give up the only peace I found in those, long nine-hour days: playing bass drum in our school marching band.

I felt lost and ashamed of who I was. I strived to be this idea of “normal” and felt like I was doomed if I was never able to achieve such an unreachable goal.

Soon after, I moved to my mom’s house in Arizona. It was here I discovered a much larger network of friends in the underground rave scene. Through raving, I was able to explore myself in ways I couldn’t imagine. It was also at a rave where I fell head over fluffies for Tony.

Tony and I have come a long way in our relationship. Just like other couples, we have hit a few potholes along the way, but I just see them as rest stops. I will never forget the night we saw Adventure Club together, dancing, laughing and loving under the sky. I’ve never felt so connected to another person, and whether we’re in public running errands or making a scene at the next EDM show, it’s clear others see the love we have for one another.

Being able to have that ease of mind now through the rave scene, after being judged for so long, has been the one of the most meaningful 180s I’ve ever experienced. It’s been a life-changing journey, and I can’t wait to see where this all goes when we both get to let go and dance, laugh and love Under the Electric Sky at our first EDC Las Vegas this year. It’s nothing but a privilege to have this opportunity. I love who I am today, and who Tony and I are, and what we do. Despite my battles, I wouldn’t trade my life or experiences for the world, because they’ve made me the person I am today.

For more Gerard, check out his Instagram and Facebook.


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